come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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