Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
