Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
