So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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