Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
