Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
