I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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