go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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