We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
