also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
