She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
