So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize