I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
