Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
