Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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