who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just cut my nipple shaving
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Never underestimate the power of titties
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