i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
These tits shall not be calmed
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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