I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
