Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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