Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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