im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
