i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
