Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
