Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
