party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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