capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
