I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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