I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
