Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
