Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
