you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
