first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
