There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize