he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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