Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
