So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
the raccoons are back...
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