I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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