i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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