Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
