____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
