just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
NoShamevember. You game?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
