I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize