he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
