My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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