my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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