It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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