it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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