You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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