I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
