i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
