Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize