somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
