If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
this is an emotional support booty call
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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