Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
