We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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