I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
