Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
