Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize