you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
