were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
