I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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