The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
