i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
