Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
