i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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