Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
