Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
