from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
