We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
