Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
