My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
