I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
