I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
