I CAN MOONWALK!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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