i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
