if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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