My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize